The following is an actual question given on a University of Liverpool
chemistry final exam.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues via the Internet,
which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs
heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's law that
gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need
to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which
they are leaving.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will
not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state
that, if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of
the volume in Hell. Because Boyle's Law states that in order for the
temperature and pressure in Hell to stay constant, the volume of Hell must
expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all
Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Sandra during my
freshman year, that 'it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with
you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then
number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is endothermic and has
already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows
that it is not accepting any more souls and is extinct ... leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being - which explains
why, last night, Sandra kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY 'A'.
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